I got up feeling pretty stressed that morning of the 16th.
I went to the SuperSpar with some other PCVs and bought something called a ham
and cheese tramazini. This sandwhich is huge. Most PCVs can only eat a quarter
of one, but I was so hungry, and can eat so much in general, I ate a half, and
could have eaten a whole one. It was delicious. I was pretty down this morning,
but things got better. I walked with 7 other people in our training group to
get a ride back to our villages. It was very nice of the police to stop and
offer to take us to the roadblock to find rides for us in the cars they
checked. It was funny to cram 8 people in the back of the paddy wagon police
car. We waited for only an hour until the police found 3 of us a ride with a
well-off Portoguese businessman and his Angolan police driver. He works for the
money exchange was on his way to Rundu to see if it had potential as a place to
do business. He was very kind and gave us food when we stopped! The ride was a
little uncomfortable due to the huge hiking backpack I had I my arms, but I was
so thankful for the ride. After I got home I ate pasta, mixed veggies, and
coke. I ate so much peanut butter from new jumbo jar too. Then I went to bed.
I woke up on the 17th in a pretty good mood. I
received my letters from my good friend’s second grade class! It was wonderful
to read their letters and enjoy the artwork. I started to write my reply to
them. Fyi, I am doing a program called Worldwise Schools, where I correspond
with students back in the US. I am doing it with my former 6th grade
teacher and a friend from college. If you’re interested, let me know! It’s a
really simple program, but is great exposure and enjoyable for me! The 17th
wasn’t a good day for me overall though. I was quite distracted. I went to bed
really early.
I did not sleep well that night. I got up and prayed and
then walked to the clinic. It was the first day of National Immunization Day
and it was extremely busy. I gave between 60-70 kids Vitamin A. It is in oil
form and has to be squeezed into the mouth. I caused one child to cry and one
child to stop crying because I was white. It was somewhat comical. Children
don’t see white people in my area. Other than that, this day was pretty awful.
I ended up leaving work early and going to my hut. Then, I went and my host
brother consoled me. We went on a 8 kilometer walk after that, which was
helpful. I’ll leave it at that.
I woke up feeling awful the morning of the 19th
and prayed so hard. I asked God to let my devotions speak to me. To my
amazement, the devotions was exactly what I needed to hear! The scripture
reading for it was Lamentations 3:25-33-“The Lord is good to those whose hope
is in him, to the one who seeks him. It is good to wait quietly for the
salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young.
Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him. Let him bury his
face in the dust—there may yet be hope. Let him offer his cheek to one who
would strike him and let him be filled with disgrace. For men are not cast off
by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great
is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to
the children of men.” I had never needed to hear this so much in my life. It
was amazing to see God work and speak to me like that. Other events transpired
that entire day. It’s all personal stuff and has nothing to do with my site or
being in Namibia. God is just bringing some really painful person issues to the
surface. This was definitely the most painful day of my life, but I coped. It’s
amazing how you feel so close to God when your mind tricks you into thinking no
one is there for you. I knew my time in PC would probably bring a lot of issues
out of me and it has done so already. It hurts, but I am so thankful for it and
dearly want it. I want to learn to have to trust God in both the GOOD times and
the bad. I want to grow so much. I know I’ll probably have several times where
I hurt during these next two years, but, with God’s help, I will do it! Later
that day, I remembered that I have so much to be thankful for. The rest of the
day was hard, but good. My best friend, however, was attacked by three large
dogs. One of them bit her. She had been terrified, but she wasn’t severely
hurt. I wish I had been there though.
On the 20th, I woke up at 430, which seems to be
my normal time lately. I facebooked mom for a bit. I prayed too. One new thing
I started to do on this day and want to continue is praying, but then leaving
an amount of time to try and listen to God. I have never tried to listen
because I have a hard time believing that my thoughts won’t be mistaken for God
speaking to me. But, I have never tried. My mom gave me some advice, but she
cautioned that it’s a “learning process.” It definitely is. I think sooooo much
more than most people and I am extremely energetic. The problem with this first
day was that the position I prayed in made me fall asleep. I sat in bed for a
bit after that because it was so cold. On a random topic; I have become
addicted to peanut butter. I ate a JUMBO sized container of it in 6 days. The
weird thing is I have gained zero pounds, even though I mainly eat
carbohydrates here. It is getting a bit expensive however. I asked for some
advice on facebook and got a lot of responses. However, it was funny to see
some suggestions. One person, who apparently doesn’t know I’m in Namibia, said
to go to Fresh and Easy (a health food store) and buy hummus. Neither one of
those is in Namibia I am pretty sure. I found some more Christians in PC
Namibia! It was really exciting! Today I went on a walk with a co-worker to
check if all the children had been immunized. We went farther into the bush
than I have gone before. For the first time I felt isolated. It was a bit scary
to be honest. I also saw such poverty. It made me sad. I saw a little girl with
flies all over her and hundreds more on her food. As a health PCV this freaked
me out because of all the disease she can get from the flies. I saw a mentally
ill child just looking at us. I also saw a mentally ill woman rocking back and
forth and talking to herself. The sad part was that she had a child cradled in
her arms. It was interesting, and somewhat shocking, to hear a Namibian say
that the police should come chain her and force her to go to the doctor. Some
of the good things about the day were the adorable puppies that were at some of
the houses, a patch of random beautiful flowers, and a random huge cactus. I
definitely lost some of my ignorance today. I did feel a little hopeless that I
could ever do anything to help these people. The saying “ignorance is bliss” is
so true sometimes. The enormity of the problem made me want to run back to my
ignorance. I asked my counterpart about classes and wealth. He said “You can
tell by looks who is in what class. You can categorize. Most cannot afford
education and they quit at grades 5-7 due to financial constraint.” My
counterpart made us pick up a really heavy weight made out of rebar and cement.
I felt as if I was in the Flintstones. I was still dealing with some pretty
heavy emotional stuff this day, but I talked to a few people and all of a
sudden, I seemed to wake up from a stupor. Anyways, after work, I went home and
ate dinner. I told them about American Independence Day. They were shocked that
American didn’t just always exist. They were shocked our country was so old.
They were even more shocked that a black man, Crispus Attocks, was one of the
first people to die in the Revolution. They thought America was just for white
people. Then, we prayed as a family before we went to bed.
The 21st was a pretty good day. I woke up and
prayed and tried to have quiet time. I wrote letters, blogged. Later that night
I watched several episodes of 24, uploaded pictures, and addressed envelopes.
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