July 22-26

On the 22^nd I woke up and prayed, but I didn’t leave my apartment until 740. I’m not eating breakfast anymore because I need my wheatbix to last until I can go to town to get more groceries. I went and took temperature. Then I did my needs assessment that is due the 31^st of July. Today, a deaf lady came in. She thought I was a doctor. It was really challenging because I don’t speak the language to begin with and haven’t had to sign ever. The clerk really helped out a lot though, even though he doesn’t know sign language. After she was done seeing the nurse, she came back and begged me for money to drink. The clerk told her no. Lunch was wheatbix again. Oh, this was the first day of National Immunization Days. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to help much because we have so many people at the clinic. I just sat around ready and waiting to help. I went home around 6pm. My favorite host aunt had a beautiful little table made for me to eat on around the fire! I was so surprised! It is beautiful! It’s very special to me! I played UNO with BH and two little host brothers of mine. I won most of the time, but one of the little boys won too! BH, although he was supposed to be translating my instructions, he kept telling the boy next to him the wrong things on purpose when the moves didn’t favor him. It was a little annoying, but kind of funny because he and I kept arguing against each other and telling the boy what to play. After UNO, I went to my room and listened to Glee and played Hearts on my computer.

I had a bad dream this night unfortunately. The morning of the 23^rd was very challenging personally. My dad was a HUGE help. I’m going through more personal change/growth than I have ever gone through before. I’m so happy for it, and I wouldn’t have it any other way, but it is SO hard. I’m having people issues that I never had on top of numerous other things. My dad gave me several scriptures. One said “He who began a good work in you, CJ, will be faithful to bring it to perfect completion.” Also, Isaiah 41:10-“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” The last one was Psalm 62:5-8, 11-12-“Find Rest, O my Soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God. He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge…One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, oh God, are strong, and that you, oh Lord, are loving.” The morning was very hard, as I said. I am open for the first time to certain types of change if it is for the better and because God desires it, not because others desire it. I need a discerning heart to know what to do. One huge area of growth is that I haven’t gotten depressed like I normally would. Yes, I was sad, but I wasn’t thinking stupid/irrational thoughts. That’s huge for me. I sat outside with the nurses as we had NIDs all day. One of the nurses gave me some stuff out of her lunch pack which was nice. I watched some of my Men’s Chorale videos later. They were so uplifting and I facebooked my choir director and president from college. Today’s Devotion was called Road Construction and was about how after the winter, the road has to be destroyed to be made better. The devotion said that it might seem that everything familiar is being destroyed, but God is not destroying; he is building a better way. We can be confident that the end result will be smoother relationships with others and closer relationship with him. This was timed so perfectly and it was really encouraging. I went home at six and had Mahangu for dinner. I met two guys from Liina’s property many kilometers East. I went to my room and watched Big Bang Theory and called another PCV at 8. I love talking to her. It’s always encouraging. I went to bed around 920.

I had a better quiet/prayer time this morning, the 24^th. During my quiet time, I received an amazingly, perfectly timed encouragement. Two of my closest friends messaged me saying they were thinking of me; hope I’m doing well; and that they love me. It gave me perspective on some of my people issues here that I had forgotten. I didn’t feel like going anywhere but into my office to be myself, but I was proud that I went out to NIDs nearly all day. One thing I need to mention is that it is really challenging at the clinic because all the other people are speaking in Rukwangali and they laugh sooooo much. It sucks to be left out of the joke. I went home and watched some episodes of 24 and practiced Arabic. Then I ate dinner. I am getting really shaky, sweaty, and dizzy because I have been eating very little (and yes, I’m going to remedy the problem this weekend). I went into my hut early and watched some more 24.

This was just another NID day. There isn’t much to tell. I was going to go see a friend later in the day, but was busy. I was very happy that a PCV friend is letting me use her hiking backpack for Reconnect! I journaled/blogged for a while. I went home around 6. I had a very revealing conversation with my dad about struggles that he and I have in common. I had no idea about the similar issues. I was so hungry that I ate a bunch of pure sugar because I was shaking so much. My favorite Aunt was there. I love it when she’s there because she likes to talk to me. Then, I played UNO with 7 of my family members while others watched! It was a great picture to see all of us under a hut, playing UNO on a little wooden table. They loved it. They are especially amazed and fascinated by my shuffling and bridging. I’ve also learned so more Rukwangali words! I went to my room around 8 and watched 24. Also, my brother sent me an amazingly touching message on facebook that caught me entirely off guard. It meant a lot, especially with what I’m going through here. Sometimes it’s hard to keep in perspective that there are many people who care for me, even if I’m having issues here.

The 26^th was a good, but hard day. I went to the clinic but I kept forgetting stuff. Then I walked to school. I had to teach lifeskills classes with only a few minutes notice. I decided to use the time to do some stuff for my needs assessment. The first session did not go well, but the second session was much better. However, we just ran out of time. We went to tea break at 940. I asked if I could buy some of the food they usually have and they were like “why would  you need to pay?” I told them how in America, you have to pay your fair share. They cut me off saying “This is not America. You’re in Africa. We are a different culture.” I have been amazed constantly by how generous Namibians are, even the people that have very little. It is a lesson I need/want to learn. I talked to the lifeskills teacher about plans for lessons I could teach the next week and the next term. Then, we discussed club ideas. In the middle of the conversation I got an sms from a friend, and the subject was not fun to hear, but I'm glad she told me. I am so proud of how I have grown because I fought so hard to keep from being depressed and letting it ruin my day. It was pretty awful, but I kept praying, thinking of encouraging scripture, and other quotes that have helped me. I was proud that I was able to go to the next class and have a good session with the learners. I had asked God before the session to encourage me, and teaching the class did that for me. School got out and I wait awhile for a ride to town. MS, my teacher friend, rode with me. He continued the trend of generosity by buying me my favorite cookie and a Fanta. The ride was okay; I just read news stories on my phone. I’ve really been into reading news on my phone lately. I went and bought food at Pick n’ Pay. I was so proud that I didn’t gorge myself like I usually do! There were a few other PCVs in the office. I just did some computer stuff. I had a really good talk with one of the other PCVs about my issues here. I walked back to my lodging with two other PCVs around 630. I got a ton of new movies/tv shows. I ate salad, but I had Peanut Butter sandwiches later. We talked for a bit, and then I went to my room and watched some TV. Then I went to bed.