The Value of Amazing Parents

This journey has already been a massive growing experience in ways that I never imagined, and thus, not all my blogs will be just about what is happening in Namibia, but also random topics or introspective moments. Since I have the time, and the desire to write, I want to blog about my parents and what they have meant, and continue to mean to me. My parents are amazing. We still have issues here and there, but they are the most important people in my life. My mom is my best friend and my dad and I are getting closer and closer. They show their love differently, but it’s amazing to have two different avenues of love. My dad is amazing at taking care of logistical/practical issues and making sure I’m taken care of (student loans, bank issues, etc.). I feel much less stressed because of his care. 

My mom is amazing, and as my best friend, she knows everything about me. She wrote me letter #17 a few days ago. Unfortunately, I have only gotten four or five of the 11 letters she sent me while in training. The good news is that I have gotten all of the letters since I have changed addresses to my permanent address at the clinic. My mom always knows what to say to make me feel better. I don’t think talking to her as ever failed me once. My dad comforts me by providing invaluable wisdom that I really respect, love, and need. He’s definitely helped me here in Namibia. My parents also have specific experience with living in other countries. They were missionaries for many years and have lived in India, the Netherlands, Afghanistan, Ecuador, and many others I don’t remember. They know how hard it is to be away. I appreciate the true empathy. Because of God, them, my personality, and my preparations before Peace Corps, I know I WILL make it through the entire two years and grow to be the man I want to be.

It’s amazing how my parents cheer me up when I am down. They have done so a few times since I have been here in Namibia. I haven’t been down really at all, but even when I’m not down, they make my mood even better. It helps me remember that, whatever happens, I have God, and God has put these two wonderful people in my life. They are beyond value to me. It will be quite difficult to not see them, and my brother, for two years and possibly much longer depending on what I do after Peace Corps. I do realize that these next two years, especially, are meant for me to get closer to God and Jesus Christ because He is all I need. But I am so thankful for my parents.

May 19-25

I wasn’t sure where to go to church on Sunday. I really wanted to find a Nyemba speaker. I don ‘t want people to get the idea that I am only here for the Rukwangali people. I wasn’t going to go to church, but I forced myself to. I am so glad I went because I met some wonderful people at, possibly, my favorite church. This church was about 30 people. They were very friendly and welcoming! It was funny because the pastor talked about me thinking I didn’t understand, but I did! They were so impressed. They were very thankful I was there to work and kept shouting “Alleluia, amen” (Gospel Church) and sang songs of thanks. I felt a bit uncomfortable because I think the pastor may have done a sermon about me. He apologized for not having an interpreter, but I said I would rather not have one. One huge personal triumph for me during the service was that I got over my American sense of dignity and danced around the church like the rest of them. An even bigger piece of growth was when they asked me to sing a worship song by myself. People know me that, although I have been in choir before, I hate singing solos or even in person with my friends. I have never done it for anyone except my family. I hate my voice. But I decided to take myself out of my comfort zone and just sing and worship. Apparently it sounded really good to them. Seems small, but it was huge for me! I sang the Barocha. The words are “The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord turn his face toward you. And give you peace, and give you peace, and give you peace forever. The Lord be gracious to you. The Lord turn his face toward you. And give you peace, and give you peace, and give you peace forever.” There was a part of the service that I am not accustomed to. They cast out demons. Two women flailed around, rolled around and outside the church, screaming and foaming at the mouth. During this we kept singing and clapping for 25 minutes until my hands really started to hurt! After church I was in an amazingly good mood. I went to my supervisor’s place and she fed me lunch. I hung out at her place for the rest of the day, watching TV, relaxing, and enjoying life.

The 20^th began in a bit of a sad way. I had to say goodbye to a host brother who was going back to school because break was over. Most children in Namibia, it seems, stay at boarding school (called hostels here), and live away from family. I won’t see him until late June. This host brother is my buddy. He is extremely intelligent and I think he can meet his dream of becoming a doctor. He was a very good Rukwangali teacher to me and he would ask countless questions about everything. After I said goodbye to him I had my normal breakfast Wheatbix, milk, and sugar on top. I typed up my journals as I greeted and screened patients. This is what I did all day, pretty much. 

The 21^st was my birthday. Many people, especially my girlfriends, get really excited about their birthday, but I don’t really care about mine. For most of my life I have been content with just celebrating with my family. I haven’t been home for my birthday that much in the last five years because I have been on choir tour or I was in Ohio. I get uncomfortable with attention from anyone, but my family, when they celebrate me. I love celebrating everyone else’s birthday for sure! I really love my family though because they are so loving, supportive, and encouraging. My parents sang happy birthday through Skype and had my birthday sign up in the background (the birthday sign is a tradition since I was a baby, I think). I deeply appreciated it. They are the most wonderful support system I have besides God. Anyways, no one in Namibia, besides a few other PCVs, knew it was my birthday. I was happy to receive a few sms’s from them. I had an awesome lunch of Basmati rice and lentils. Side note: I have always hated hot sauce, but thanks to my friend, Jay, I have fallen in love with Chipotle Tabasco Sauce. It is not like other hot sauces, and I am addicted. I put it on any savory item and it makes life complete. I was so fortunate because they sell it here in Namibia!!! One thing happened after lunch that showed a difference in culture between America and Namibia. I heard a yelp from a dog outside and heard a lot of laughter. I saw a dog laying on the ground motionless. There was a lot of laughter from all the Namibians. I was asking what had happened and was told “It’s dead.” I couldn’t understand why they were laughing uproariously. My first instinct was to go check and see if it was okay. It wasn’t dead, thank goodness, and it walked away. It turned out that one of the guys had thrown a rock and knocked it unconscious. I explained to them the cultural difference. Many Americans would be shocked, but it is what it is. In towns in Namibia, dogs are treated as pets, but in rural areas, they are not pets. It isn’t bad per se, it’s just different. Anyways, around 3pm, I went with the nurses to the memorial service for the two people from the same family who died of HIV/AIDS. I stayed for about two hours, until 5pm. After work I went to my supervisor’s place and showered and ate food. She late told me the service went for five hours.  

The 22^nd was a big day. I went to the burial for the two people whose memorial service I had attended the day before. One note: They love pictures and video and asked me to videotape or take pictures of everything, which I felt uncomfortable doing. But I valued the opportunity. The burial service, procession, and burial itself went for five hours. I met a lot of people. There were over 200 people. I was surprised to find a white Catholic priest presiding at the church. He just seemed so out of place. He was a German and didn’t speak the language. Being a social worker, I examine issues of race, power, and religion all the time, and this situation seemed quite stereotypical. It didn’t bother me per se, but it did provide some food for thought. The priest spoke for a longgggggggg time and I noticed many Namibians falling asleep and snoring all around me. It was pretty funny because I thought they were used to long services. We had to go through quite a bit of bush to get to the cemetery, and many people did not even know where it was. There was a lot of singing. Then, everyone, including myself, took pinches of dirt and tossed them onto the caskets in the graves. Surprisingly, this is the ONLY time there was any loud wailing, and it was from only a few people, and it did not last that long. I was under the impression that all African weddings were loud with wailing. I was disproved. All the men and women took turns burying the caskets. However, only the men buried the man and the women buried the woman. After that we walked back to the home and they had prepared a meal. I found myself literally encircled by 20 men of all ages and I introduced myself to all of them and asked their names. Later, I found out that being at the funeral had made a profound impact on the people. They were surprised and grateful. They were also surprised that the white guy would eat “their traditional food.” Knowing that my intended purpose had been accomplished made me feel really good. The funeral left me exhausted, hungry, and thirsty. I went back to the clinic and pigged out on peanut butter and bread. By the time I was done eating, it was time to go exercise. I decided to get water by hand from the clinic in two huge Gerry cans. This idea turned out to be the workout/idea from Hell. The world was against me. I thought it would be hard to walk the 1.5 kilometers from the clinic to my home with full cans of water. I was so wrong. It was awful, but I did not want anyone to help, and I just got more determined to not quit. First of all, the cans weigh between 40-60 lbs each and I was just using my hands and arms. The cans were too big and unwieldy to put on my back. The worst part was that the plastic handles had ridges that literally cut my hands to pieces. I could not go more than 25 feet at a time. I also forgot that I had to walk through sand dunes. The next barrier from Hell was the band of kids who kept laughing at me the entire hour or so it took me to get the water to my home. Next, I took a “shortcut” that took me through a field of thorns and burs, which hurt. Then I realized my shortcut took me to a fence instead of an entrance. After I got the water back home, I forgot my cup for my bucket bathe. The bucket bath was freezing. I forgot my sandals and got dirty walking back again. To top it off, I realized a large animal with hooves had urinated in my shower area that I had just showered in. It was just so awful that it was funny! Good story though! 

The next morning, the 23^rd, I woke up feeling awful, physically. My body hurt soooo bad. I was supposed to go with the community health volunteers into the community, but that plan fell through. I just ended up packing pills and taking the weight and temperature of patients all day. I also talked to my Peace Corps supervisors on the phone. I told them things were going great! Other than that, nothing really happened that day.

On Friday, the 24^th, I went to Rundu. I love going to town. It I like a breath of fresh air, a vacation from life. I had to get a ride with my host mother because our normal car wasn’t going until later. We got there about 10am. I went shopping to buy groceries. I had to exchange an item because apparently I couldn’t return it. I didn’t need much so I splurged and bought American candy!!!  I bought Twix, Rolos, and a Kit Kat, as well as Cadbury’s Milk Chocolate Bar. Then, I had an early lunch at the open market. I love the food; so go and so much of it. I went to the PC office and skyped my friends Crystal and Kimberly. I appreciated Kimberly so much for getting up at 3am to skype! Now, that is an awesome friend! I spent several hours there. Then I walked back to the car and waited to leave. I ended up finishing all my chocolate by that night haha. It tasted so good! On the way back we almost crashed into a bunch of cows, which is a common way people get into accidents here. I went home and ate and went to bed. 

The morning of the 25^th sucked. It was the suckiest morning I’ve had in Namibia. I was just really worried. Anyways, the morning got better. I attended a big community meeting. It was a traditional court session. Many people sat around a big tree while the head lady and her advisors were at the front. I was a little embarrassed when the head lady took my chair and sat me next to her at the front. I was honored though. A lot happened at the meeting. First of all, the head lady is power, she told some middle-aged men to be quiet and they obeyed. The meeting started with a man explaining how the day would go. The head lady would call on people and they would speak. One man apparently made a funny mistake and almost walked through the center of the circle instead of around it, which caused everyone to laugh. I was lost at what was so funny. It was very hard to stay awake because I didn’t understand most of what was said. Also, the sun was burning my right arm! A random dogfight broke out on the other side of the circle. Midway through the meeting, I was given an opportunity to speak to the people. I gave a ten minute speech about who I was, why I was there, and what I hoped to do. They loved it and were very thankful. Here are some of the proceedings of the meeting. They had so many cases they debated suspending most of them for another period of time. The main case had to be suspended because of legal issues. In Namibia, a case can be tried in the judicial courts or the traditional courts, but not in both. In traditional court, the punishment is usually giving cattle to the victim. The next issue had to deal with witchcraft and was very interesting. The villagers strongly believe in witchcraft. There was a container found in the village that the people believe a witch sent to kill people. They accused a man of witchcraft, but decided they needed to get more evidence from other villages. Another piece of evidence of witchcraft had to do with human poop. I am not kidding. I didn’t understand what they were talking about. It had something to do with a witch coming and cutting someone’s poop after they were finished. I am still really confused about this. After the court session, I had baked beans and rice at my homestead. Then I went to my supervisor’s and relaxed and had my greatly loved staple, peanut butter, butter and bread. I watched TV for the rest of the day. One note, my host mother cares for me a lot and calls me her son. Because she is so protective, when it gets late, she sends people to come get me. It is a minor inconvenience, but I deeply appreciate it. She and her family are wonderful!   

May 14-18

I’m writing this blog with only four days passed since the last one because I have time on Sundays to write, and that is not exactly the case during the week.

On the 14^th, I woke up at my usual time, 5-6am. I went to the clinic to get my breakfast. My supervisor is very generous and lets me use her refrigerator. I always have six bars of wheatbix, milk, and sugar. It’s not bad, although the sugar is not refined as it is in America, and therefore, not near as sweet. I pretty much blogged, wrote in my journal, and wrote letters all day while meeting and talking to patients. A lot of young boys came in and got condoms. Lunch was awesome, provided by my supervisor. We had spaghetti and I also had peanut butter and bread. There really were not that many patients that came to our clinic. It’s like that here; you can have a lot of people at once, and then no one for the rest of the day. We did have a former minister of government come in. I leave the office at 4pm to go run. I ran 6k with a few ops. It was hard and I definitely got a lot of weird looks from people. The running is great because it has so many positive aspects. It keeps me healthy, helps me deal with stress, gives me time to think, and it helps establish my presence in the community. It is a great way to meet people too! I had a good dinner and some really good talks with my host family. Then I finished the night by binging through a box of Frosted Flakes. One very important thing, I was smsing friends so much that I became dependent on it. One way I decided to stop this was by agreeing not to sms until after work and sending a picture and saying what we did during the day. I love it! It’s amazing and something to look forward to at the end of the day! 

I used my Netman, internet for my computer, on the 15^th. It was a pretty uneventful morning so I tested my Netman out. It worked slow, but is good enough for email, fb, blog, news, research. I put my return address on many envelopes. I studied family planning. I also talked to the nurses about teaching me things about the clinic during down time. I had peanut butter, bread, peas, and peaches for lunch, the first fruit and veggies I’ve had for lunch since I’ve been here. I washed my hair at my supervisor’s place too. That sounds weird, but bucket bathing and getting one’s hair clean is a challenge for me. Namibians cannot grow long hair so it is not an issue to them. After work I ran 6k without stopping! I was very excited! I met a bunch of young guys. I love my runs! My host brother was mugged at knifepoint in Rundu and it was unsettling. It took away a bit of the safety I felt in Rundu. Now, I just make sure I only go where there are people, and don’t take shortcuts like he did. I felt really bad for him; he was quite shaken. A random thought; I need to get my guitar! It’s killing me not having it. I just hope I can afford it. Anyways, the night ended with bouts of diarrhea. 

On the 16^th I focused on learning language as well as interacting with patients. It went very well and I learned a lot! The night before a guy was shot with a four to five foot arrow in a fight. I have pictures from some people who were there. It is fascinating! I felt very accomplished because I fixed my flash drive! A Namibian friend had given me a virus and hidden my files and I messed around with the computer code to fix it! Made me feel so good! It was a pretty uneventful day. I met a lot of people. I have to say that the ONLY problem I am having is that I am severely missing some of the trainees I went through training with. It is not fun, but I am thankful that everything else is fine at site. I played soccer with two of my host brothers and a neighbor. I didn’t want to run that day so it was fun to play and exercise. Later that night, I did the usual, and sat with the family and talked. 

The 17^th was an awesome day! I took my laundry to my supervisor for her cleaning lady to wash (I’m paying her because I don’t have the patience). I went to Rundu. On the way I met several youths we picked up in our car. I got lost trying to find the state hospital, but eventually found it. I met an outreach nurse who took me to meet a lot of important medical people. The most influential being the Principal Medical Officer of Kavango Region. It was quite enjoyable to speak to him and ask his opinions. I love meeting new people and making connections. I went to the grocery store after and bought supplies. I got so tired and sweaty walking from the store to the Peace Corps Office because I had some really heavy things. I was surprised to find four PCVs already there, all teachers. They are on break right now. I skyped a friend, but her kindle died and I was really sad because I had really been looking forward to skyping and talking. Anyways, it was a good thing I skyped my parents after. My parents are AMAZING! They never fail to cheer me up. They sang happy birthday to me because they won’t be able to on my actual birthday. My parents are the best things, beside God, in my life. I uploaded pictures to Facebook, blogged, and checked the news while I was there. I mailed some letters to some in-country friends (So check your mailboxes Kaitlynn and CB, if you read my post). We got back as the last light was fading from the sky. I showered at my supervisor’s place, ate food, and watched part of Hotel Rwanda. Another HIV patient died that night, and this time I was there. It hit a lot harder because I saw the face and the family. It made it real.

Yesterday, the 18^th, was such a good, refreshing day. I had some amazing conversations with my best friend here. I was supposed to go to the funeral for the guy who had died earlier in the week, but it was canceled. The lady who had died the night before was from the same family. They were both related to a co-worker at my clinic, and it was hard to see her cry. Another hard thing was that the man was in his twenties and the woman was forty or so, too young. It made me think about life and how fleeting it is. It helped me focus a bit more on the work I am doing. I was going to go for a long walk to think, but a man came in with an injury. A cow had kicked him and you could see all the way to the bone. It was the first time I saw something like that in real life. It didn’t gross me out. It was sad, but it was sooooo cool at the same time. The guy said to take some pictures, but I am debating whether to put them up. After that I spent the rest of the day at my supervisor’s place. It’s like an oasis. She has a really nice tv system and a bunch of awesome American channels like Discovery, NatGeo, and others. I also love watching BBC and Al-Jazeera. Eight prisoners from the prison came for treatment and I ended up speaking to my friend, a police officer for around two hours. It was great! I cannot wait for my friendships to develop. I almost went with them to watch the police soccer team play against some local village teams. I left around 6pm for home. It was a good day!  

Part 3 May 7-13

The 7^th was Swearing-in Day, the day we would officially be Peace Corps Volunteers. The morning was good, although a bit boring because we had more sessions. We then had lunch and went to change. I was excited to wear my business suit and new shirt and tie for the first time. It looked great! Some of my other friends had traditional dresses, some looked funny, some looked awesome, some outfits looked better as the day went on (You know who you are haha). We got to meet the Namibian Prime Minister! I also introduced myself to the U.S. Ambassador Wanda Nesbitt. During the ceremony, the Prime Minister had some really amazing words about the hate between whites and blacks and how things have gotten better. I wish I had videotaped it.

 We were sworn in and then one person from each language group gave a speech in their language. Everyone did well! I was so proud of how I did, although I always want to do better. I got some amazing encouraging words from many people, including the Prime Minister, the Ambassador, my trainer, and many others. The Prime Minister said “You’re a natural politician. I expect to hear about you; you have confidence.” It was so validating! I made sure to take pictures with both the PM and Ambassador. After the ceremony, I took pictures with my host family. After that, I changed and went to the pool to talk with my best friend. I had been looking forward to this for ages, and we ended up talking for hours. We ended up at the bar after that I went to bed really late that night. 

The next morning, the 8^th, was move out day. I said goodbye to people and left. It was very sad for me because I got so close to a few people. The ride to my site was fine, but long. I had fish and pap (porridge that has the consistency of mashed potatoes). I sat and spoke with my family for a few hours. I was so tired I could have gone to bed at 630, but I waited until 8. One note, my latrine they made is so much nicer than I expected! 

I slept ten hours that night! I started a shopping list because I needed a lot of things for my hut. It was surreal to wake up and realize was here for good. On a random note, I am tithing here, but there is a lot of tithe to give and I don’t want to come in and just unload lots of money on a church. Have to figure something out. Anyways, it was a public holiday, but I went to the clinic because I needed to charge my electronics. I found out one amazing thing; my host mother, the head lady, has a car to run errands for the villagers. It goes to the main city every single day and I can get rides for free!! That is extremely valuable because I won’t have to hitchhike to the city! It makes me feel much less isolated!

I charged my electronics and watched movies for several hours with some friends. My Namibian friends were randomly watching a video from Nick Voyacic, an inspirational Christian speaker. I felt it was so random, but the video was as if I was speaking about my thoughts on life. It was such a wonderful moment and it describes my views on life and why I am so happy and positive all the time, and why I love people so much. At lunch, we had amazing pap, beans, and sauce from the security guard. One thing I have learned is that the people here are so generous, beyond belief! It makes me feel good. 

Later, I sat with the family around the fire and had dinner and then showed them pictures of America. It was great! Continuing the generosity trend, my family delivered a tray of eggs, bread, and hot tea in the morning. It was very nice! I have a little host brother whom I have come to really enjoy. He is teaching me Rukwangali and I am teaching him English. One lesson I have learned at work: Never attach your flash drive or hard drive to a person’s computer in this country without having them scan for viruses first and scanning their drive if they plug it into your computer. I got a really bad Trojan horse virus, but thank God my anti-virus system, Microsoft Security Essentials, caught it. It did hide my files though, so I need to speak to our IT guy.

I learned more lessons too. Never leave my hut without money, my id, my passport papers, and don’t bring a bag full of electronics. My supervisor said I could go to Rundu with her. Halfway there she turned around and said “How are you getting back?” I was like…hmmm…guess I’ll have to figure something out. I wasn’t too worried, but I had to borrow some money. I went to the Peace Corps Office and there were four other volunteers there already! We went to the open market for lunch. I love the open market’s food. It’s amazing. I went back to the office after that to skype and use the internet. I was nervous about finding my way back to site, but God provided. As I was looking around, my host mother’s car was waiting to take people back to the village! It was such a relief! The trip back was interesting. I argued with a young woman for thirty minutes, saying that I do not want to get married now and that I do not want to have children, as she tried convince to do both. It was funny, but I eventually won! Fyi, this is a common occurrence. I went to bed soon after we got back. 

The 11^th was my major shopping day in Rundu. I felt really bad because I am not a good shopper and I spent a lot of money, but I got a lot of necessities. I picked up a cell phone battery and a Netman, so I can try out the internet. Anyways, it was a busy day, but very enjoyable. I met another PCV in the office, Ryan. The ride home was good. I found my face was sunburned later. 

As I was sitting under the thatch roof of the eating hut, I felt dirt falling on me and heard rustling above me. I remembered a story from some other PC Namibia Volunteers about a spitting cobra being in their thatch roof and waking them up at night. I looked up and saw a long object and face slither out from the thatch. Well, I freaked out a bit, just to have a lizard fall on me. Anti-climatic huh? I ate dinner, talked for a bit, then went to bed. 

I had to use the restroom during the night and it is really creepy with no light! Anyways, I went to the Clinic to charge stuff before church. One random note, I love not being judged for how I look or what I do here. People don’t care if my hair is messed up, or if I am taking pictures. It’s an awesome sense of freedom. I went to an Evangelic Lutheran Church ran by a layperson named Vilho. He was very nice. I greeted everyone and introduced myself to this 30 person church. Church here is so simple, but so real. The only instrument one has is one’s voice. It is hard to stay awake though because the services are longer. 

Later that day I went for a run. It was a bit rough. It’s also very funny because Namibians don’t exercise like Americans do. I got many shocked looks from people. While I was running, my supervisor pulled up and said she had been looking for me. She wanted to take me to the local police station to meet the commanders, wardens, and police officers. I was in my Under Armor and very sweaty, but I couldn’t pass up this valuable opportunity. I am so glad I did go! It was so fun and amazing! I met about 20 police officers and the Station Commander and Second in Command. They were all very nice and impressed with my language skills. We got back to my home and I was famished. The food tasted so good! 

Monday the 13^th was my first real day at work. It is not like America, though. Life is slow and not very busy. As a PCV, we are not even supposed to really work for three months because we need to learn the language and build relationships. So I just blogged, did computer work, wrote letters, and listened to music. The only stress I have here is missing other PCVs. I was so stressed because of this; it was awful. My mom or dad sent me a Bible verse as encouragement. Isaiah 26:3-4- “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal”. One of the issues I am having here is trusting God, and trusting those who He has put in my path. Anyways, I worked something out and felt a bit better.  

Earlier that day, a man had come in for medical attention. It was not until later that we found out he died from HIV/AIDS. He had defaulted on his ARV’s. It was surreal. Guess I need to get used to it. Some PC staff came by later and dropped off my much needed water filters. I got a ride back to my hut with them. Dinner was good; I am constantly amazed by the generosity of my family. The head lady said that I will eat dinner for free while I am there! That is amazing and, because I am bad at cooking, it is really appreciated. I tried to offer money several times, but there is no way they are letting me pay. This family has accepted me as their own and they even call me their son or brother.

As we were sitting around the fire, I was given the opportunity to educate three young guys about HIV/AIDS. I taught them how to use a condom; dispelled myths; convinced one or two of them to get tested when our clinic gets the tests in the next few weeks; told them how HIV started. One of the myths was that they believed that there were worms in the lubricant on the condom. (Sorry if this is too much details: this stuff is my job now.) Anyways, I went home and the head lady had bought a large Coke and Fanta for me! I felt so loved! Fyi, soda is called “cool drink” here. After that, I went to bed. Another random note, I am keeping a work journal about my interactions. I write down people’s names and contact info, how many people I’ve talked to, and what I did (education or w/e). 

Definitely pray for my work here. I also need to learn to trust God and the people He has put in my path. I am not used to just letting a friendship “be” without constantly maintaining it. Other than that, just pray for the normal stuff. Things are going great here!