June 9-15

I got a good night’s sleep and had cookies and pancakes for breakfast. I left for the office early and watched youtube all day. It was so much fun. I had left over raisin bread for a mid-morning snack. I left with my ride at 4pm and had pasta and went to bed.

The 10^th was soooo cold. It is not fun to use the bathroom in the middle of the night with the freezing wind. It was an awesome day! I was so productive! I went to my office and planned a lot: community mapping, needs assessment, appreciative inquiry, youth questions, seasonal calendars, daily activity schedules, meetings, observations, youth projects, etc. It was the first day I worked all day! Lunch was really good. I stayed at the office late and watched Green Street Hooligans. I smsed some good friends too. I was so excited when I got a hold of a friend from grad school. It was exciting because she wants to go into PC or work in Africa for two years and then get her PhD, just like me! I never find people who are that like-minded. I also started talking about vacation ideas with my friend Kellie. It got me really excited too! Walking home from the office in the dark was stressful. I’m not afraid of the dark. I could not see how close to the highway I was with the glare of the cars’ headlights blinding me. Then, when I went off into the bush, I had animals follow me, although I didn’t know what kind they were. They were both dogs and the first one almost attacked. Not a fan of that. Anyways, I got home and ate some really really sandy porridge and spinach. Then I played an addicting restaurant game on my computer until 9:30pm.

The morning of the 11^th was so cold; it was miserable. I may have to buy another blanket. I wore my winter sweatshirt. I gathered my laundry and took it to the lady I pay to wash my clothes. Then I wrote my blogs for the two prior weeks. We finally got our HIV Rapid Testing equipment. We should have had it two years ago, but at least we have it now. I was very excited. It took a while to set up, but we finally finished. We had a number of prisoner’s show up with the police who needed to see the nurse, and when they saw the rapid testing stuff, they really wanted to get tested, which was very exciting. I had lunch and then went back to my office. We also got a new nurse today named Grace! She had just graduated from Rundu State Hospital. I had a really good talk with her. It was nice to be a “veteran”, although I have only been here a little more than a month. A little bit later, I was told a cow ate part of my blanket. I could have been upset, but I decided I couldn’t do anything about it, and just go with the flow. I also realized it sounded pretty funny. My best friend here finally got my letter! After work, I went home and had dinner. Then I went and watched an old college football game on my computer and played solitaire until 9:30pm.

Last night wasn’t nearly as cold as the nights before. It was really nice. My family gave me bread for breakfast. Then I walked to the primary school. I met some teachers and observed a class. We are so fortunate in America. There was one teacher and 52 students. They had to share one book between four people. There weren’t enough chairs so they sat on anything they could find. It was crowded and the classroom needs many repairs. I was very impressed that the students (called learners here) were really quiet, although this could be due to the teacher being the principal J. They talked about plants and the sea. After the class I waited for the 40 minute break to be over, then I met the Lifeskills teacher. She was so great! We talked about a lot of things and she said she’d love to have me help out or teach some classes. I went back to the clinic and ate a lot for lunch. My peanut butter jar that  had just bought that week is already half eaten. After work I went and showered at my supervisor’s then relaxed and watch some tv shows on my computer. I picked up my laundry and went home. I went to my hut early to read. Then I went to bed.

The 13^th was the beginning of one my most frustrating days I’ve had in Namibia and in my life. My host brother woke me up the night before saying I had a ride to Otjiwarongo at 5am the next morning! I was so excited because I didn’t have to hitchhike the 5 hour drive. He woke me up later saying it was going to be at 6am. I woke up and got ready really early. I checked with my host brother about the time and he said he’ll be here by 7am. 7am passed and he said 8 or 9. I decided to go hang out at my supervisor’s place at the clinic. I started to get frustrated around hour 5 of waiting. I kept smsing my host brother asking him where the guy was. He said over and over “he is coming.” Finally, I became absolutely furious as 1pm rolled around. My supervisor called my host brother and asked where the guy was and he said the guy would be around 3 or 4. The anger I felt was something I had felt few times before. I was furious because I could have hitchhiked 9 hours earlier and been at my destination about 7 hours earlier. I am also not supposed to travel after dark so I was angry that I might have to. I was also furious because several PCVs had to pass by my clinic on the way to the workshop I was going to, but I rejected their offers to pick me up because I thought I had a guaranteed free ride. I was okay with 5 hours of waiting because this is Africa time, but 9 hours was bad, even for Africa time. I ate so badly while I was waiting because I was stressed. I started walking down the highway and waited to be picked up. I was so thankful when a man pulled up and opened the door. I was so relieved to finally be on the road. He worked for the Regional Council and was on his way home to Mariental, very far south. We talked for a bit about his family. I was really impressed. All his daughters are brilliant and doing ambitious things such as studying in Russia to become a doctor. I loved that he was in a hurry because he majorly speeded (sped?). I got to Otjiwarongo in a very short amount of time, by 5:15. I was so relieved to get there and happy to see people. However, for some reason, I got really down. I’m almost positive it was due to the major roller coaster of extreme emotion I had gone through. I started to feel better. Dinner was good and it was great to eat in a nice place, at a table, with friends. By the way, there were about 25 PCVs there. After dinner, we went back to the hotel and hung out, talked, and relaxed. Then we went to bed.

I woke up pretty stressed on the 14^th. But the morning got better. The breakfast was awesome…except for the mystery meat which turned out to be liver and left a horrible aftertaste. I ate soooo much. Then we went to training. The training was on computers and information technology. It was awesome and really interesting! Tea time was great. We hadn’t seen the conference center in the day time, and it was beautiful! We had meatpies, juice, tea, and coffee. I made some new PCV friends. They are awesome! We ended training early and had a good dinner of giant meatballs and rice. The room we ate in was beautiful! After dinner I had a really good talk with my best friend here. The fun continued as we wait for the cars to come pick us up to take us back to the hotel. We watched people play Settlers of Catan and other games. I didn’t feel good the rest of the night and went to bed early.

On the 15^th, I woke up to an sms from another PCV who was throwing up every two hours from the food. I was really sad she was going to have to stay back and miss the training. However, breakfast was amazing again! This time, I got there first. We went into the dining room and I got bread, jelly, cornflakes with sugar, fish stix, sausage, and more…just before we were told our group had been moved to another dining room. I was stoked that we got to keep the food though! Training was amazing again, and I got a lot of awesome new software from different people. Tea time was good; I ate four sandwhiches. The weather was beautiful too! At the end of the day we did group presentations about what we had learned. It was pretty simple, and it went well. We finished 3 hours early and walked back to our hotel. On my way back I went and spent quite a bit of money buying food for my friend who was sick. I had so much fun doing it! I went back to her place and we hung out for the next four hours, watching movies and eating. I missed dinner because of it, but it was worth it. Another Group 37 PCV and I met with the Information and Communication Technology Committee because we were interested in joining. It was extremely exciting. Dave and I were the only new possible recruits, but I am definitely interested in joining. He and I talked for a long time with another PCV about the huge potential we saw in Namibia. It was an awesome day, and I went to bed quite content.

June 2-8

I got some really good sleep except that I had diarrhea five times. One major problem was that Gio’s water had to be switched off for the night…imagine not being able to flush the toilet or hydrate myself (yes, too much information, but this is my life now). I was really sad I missed the event last night, but I knew it was good that I stayed behind. I decided to stay in town another day after I called PC about my sickness. Later, I walked to the hotel. I bought some small gifts of food for the girls. The rest of the night was not my ideal hangout situation, but it was still good. The girls were tired so we just hung out and talked. I started to feel really sick and feverish. I went and ate dinner with them. I felt so miserable that I left at 9:30pm. I took a taxi and paid the expensive night-rate because I felt so sick.

I slept well except that I sweated so much from the fever that I had to wrap myself in my towels. I woke up on the morning of the 3^rd feeling great. I still had diarrhea, but little stomach pain and no fever. I was in a really good mood. I was a bit nervous to know if I would be allowed to attend a training in Ojtiwarongo in the coming weeks. I love trainings, but I also want to take advantage of every chance I get to see other PCVs. We also get to stay in lodging that has showers, running water, hot water, nice beds, electricity, free food, and possibly internet. All of these are a cause for celebration when you live in a hut. I walked to the PC Office and skyped Mom and Dad. I went shopping and price checked different stores. It was awful carrying all the groceries back to the office. Later, I received a call and was told that I would be added to the list of attendees for the training! I felt so good! I went to the market to meet Crystal and Alicia. We walked back to the office, but I had to leave abruptly, forgetting my computer charger in the process. I took a taxi to get to where my ride was waiting because I did not want to lug all my groceries by hand. The ride back was difficult because I was really down about something. I arrived at home and went to bed.

The morning of the 4^th was quite bad for a few hours. I woke up feeling really down. I got less down as the day went on. I think a lot of those feelings were because I had zero energy from fighting off my sickness, and I still had diarrhea. I went with my counterpart to the local school and met with the head lady for 2.5 hours or so. The conversation was very good and I know a lot more about the school and how I met work there. The head lady said I could go with her to a parent teacher meeting at the combined extension school in another village. Benhard and I walked back to the clinic, but my supervisor just let me sleep the rest of the afternoon because I had no energy. I went home with my host brother, but couldn’t eat. I did have an extremely candid conversation with a friend that made me feel really good!

I woke up feeling really good on the 5^th. I went to the clinic. To my utter delight, my supervisor had made cake. It was sooooo good! It tasted like cake from America, although it didn’t have frosting. I had a really good talk with a friend about not letting your fears control you. I never thought of it like that, but I see the sense in it. This conversation led me to decide that I WILL skydive during my time here in Namibia, even though I’m still quite afraid of it. I want to face that fear. If I can skydive, there is nothing I cannot do! Anyways, the headlady decided not to go to the meeting at the other school, but I really wanted to go. I was told by my counterpart that the school was only 3 kilometers away…11 kilometers later, I finally got there. Side note: Namibians are not known for being concise and accurate. Something that is 11 kilometers away can be “just up there.” I met a really nice guy named Joe on the way. He is a member of the Village Development Committee. He told me that one of the committees requests was to make a community garden. They have an excellent water source near the road, which I wish I had in my village. It was really cool to see somewhere new. The other school is only one class of 25, but they had a really good number of parents show up to the meeting. I introduced myself to the teacher, board member, and parents. The meeting started a hour late, which is pretty good, considering how meetings can start three or four hours late often. They made me sit up front. The meeting was about the level of fees and the cost of supplies. One note, the classroom is in a mud hut and is in major disrepair. The desks are extremely close and the children do not have the correct learning materials. During the meeting, I saw a bully of a kid smash another kid’s sand castle for not good reason. The smug look on his face was frustrating. I got some phone numbers from people, so I can visit later. A co-worker came by with a bike so I didn’t have to walk. I really appreciated it and thoroughly enjoyed the quick bike ride back to the clinic. The clinic was pure crazy when I got back. It was the busiest I have ever seen it. I did not realize it was the main day for HIV patients to see the doctor who visits once a month. I packed pills before and after lunch. I talked to my brother later and really enjoyed it. I ended up talking with Crystal for most of the rest of the evening about food such as frosting, cookie dough, brownie mix, mac and cheese, and melted ice cream. I went to bed at 7:30pm because I was so tired.

On the 6^th, I woke up in an amazing mood. I continued my sms conversation about food with Crystal. I am sad that a letter I sent her got lost in the mail. Two men came into the clinic, both with sever foot injuries. One had almost lost a toe from infection and the other had the portion of skin between his big toe and second toe severed. I did some research for some work I plan to do. A lot of people came in at one point during the day and I took weight and temperature. The local police force visited and it was really good to see them. I know several of them. Meanwhile, a baby with severe sickness came in. It almost died, but my supervisor saved it. The ambulance came from Rundu to get them. Later, I inventoried all the educational posters in the office. At one point, a young man came in, asking for counseling. I said we didn’t and we he left. I decided to get his phone number and find out for him. Then I decided to check him for suicide risk because he was distraught. I found that he was at risk, either for suicide or hurting someone else, but not immediately. Namibia does not have a mental healthcare system like the US, and the young man was not even from the area. I smsed another PCV and asked her to take care of it because he was in her region. I got him to promise not to do anything without talking to someone first. Meanwhile, I saw something that really messed with my sense of justice. A man ran over my friend’s fatcake bucket, from which she sells fat cakes to support her children. Although he was a teacher and has money, he refused to pay because it was an accident. They got in an argument, but the man just left without paying $3.60 USD it would have cost him. It frustrated me and made me sad. Another thing that was sad to me was how I saw a person make fun of a single father who took his child to the clinic. Men do not raise children here and there seems to be a stigma attached to it. I went home at 4 and read and wrote in my planner. I also made a pros/cons skydiving list. Here is what I came up with:

Cons                                                                                 Pros

Death                                                                               Facing fear

Extreme Stress on Way Up                                                Bucket List

Expensive                                                                        Bragging Rights

Fear                                                                                 I’m Competitive

Passing Out from Stress                                                    I’ll feel left out

                                                                                        I’ll have major regret

                                                                                        Empowerment (I can do anything)

                                                                                        I’ll be sad if I see everyone else do it

Later that night I had a conversation with my host family about the “N-word.” Some Namibians do not realize how bad that word is and what it is. They thought it meant cool. I explained to them why it was not cool. They asked why black people in America said it. I told them that the word should not even be said by black people because it makes others think that they are okay with being viewed as “less than equal” (as the n-word means). They seemed to understand and I went to bed soon after.

I didn’t sleep too well last night because of the mouse and lizard making noise in my room. I woke up for good on the 7^th and sat and relaxed for a while in my hut. I heard someone coming, but then I saw huge horns come through the door! It was a cow that wandered into my hut! It gave me quite a start and I chased it out! I went to Rundu to do some work. Later, I went to shop for groceries. Then I skyped mom and dad. I met a new PCV named Kyla. Bonnie, Denise, and Gio were there too and we had rice, peppers, onions, and soy sauce for dinner. I ate so much. We also had kettlecorn. Then, I went to bed.

I woke up feeling great on the morning of the 8^th, but was so hungry. I looked up skydiving videos and just watched youtube most of the day. It’s so relaxing to do stuff like that. I forgot it was Saturday momentarily. I got so hungry that I went out and binged on a huge, head-sized glazed raisin bread, pretzels, raisins, and a chicken burger. I wandered around the “mall” for a bit too. I think I was feeling a bit lonely too for some reason. I haven’t been homesick once, but I severely miss summer in America and the culture (which I never knew existed). I finished my book Pathfinder, and moved onto a Ken Follett series. Dinner was absolutely amazing! Kyla is an amazing cook! They forced me to cook and I did really well! I made scrambled eggs, peppers, and onions. It sounds like nothing, but that was huge for me because I am an awful cook. I don’t like eggs too much, but the peppers and onions added so much. Kyla and Denise made pancakes and they were so good! We had as many as we wanted. Kyla later made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. I have a large appetite, but she made so many cookies and I ate so much dough that I actually stopped with many cookies to spare.  It was such a good night! Side note: I have found that when I go into town, I get extremely hungry. I crave chocolate and massive amounts of food. I have fallen in love with Cadbury’s Top Deck Mint Chocolate and can eat loads of it.

May 26-June 1

I was definitely lonely on the 26^th. Normally, when that happens I’ll reach out to others through sms (texting) or Facebook or whatever. Unfortunately, the internet on the cell phone tower went out. I went to the clinic to hang out at my supervisor’s place. However, my plans to hang at her place had to be tweaked because she had a guest. I ended up hanging out in my office (aka soup kitchen) all day. I wish I had electricity because it’s somewhat inconvenient to have to go to my supervisor’s or my office to charge things. My computer battery only lasts about two hours so I cannot watch much media. I guess it’s also a blessing though because I can’t just hide away in my hut. It’s not too bad, just wishful thinking. I had a really good talk with one of my host brothers. I am really trying to form bonds of trust and friendship with a few people here. I also had a really good conversation with my supervisor about being lonely. I ate wheatbix for lunch, but my supervisor called me later to come eat lunch that she had made. Side note: I LOVE lentils and pasta and Chipotle Tabasco Sauce. I have become addicted to Chipotle Tabasco Sauce. My loneliness was gone after a few hours in the morning. By the end of the day I felt really good, trusting God to take care of things. While my family and I were eating dinner, one of them pulled out a huge chicken and said it was a gift for me from a neighbor. I was surprised to say the least. I said “That’s great…but I don’t know what to do with it. I only know how to kill it, and after that I have no idea.” They laughed and said they would cook it for me. My social worker ethics came in and I wondered if accepting the gift would look bad. I decided to avoid the entire thing and also, because I don’t like a ton of meat in general, I said the family could share it with me for dinner the next night. I went to my hut early that night, around 7pm, and typed up my journals and watched Downton Abbey. My family brought me a Fanta soda. I had to go to the bathroom three times that night due to mild diarrhea; it was cold. I had to wear socks and a sweatshirt to bed because it was so cold.

I woke up on the 27^th continuing to feel cold. I had planned to go to a co-worker’s village, but plans fell through because her son was taken to the hospital. The internet on my phone was finally back on and I smsed one of my best friends in college, Aimee. I really missed her and it was so good to talk to her. I typed up my journals at work that day; it takes an extremely long time to because I write so much. I went running around 415pm, after work. It was great! The rest of the evening was quite discouraging and didn’t feel good.

My devotions on the 28^th was really convicting; it talked about God wanting us to give up things we have grown accustomed to. I went to the school with my counterpart, but the head lady was not there. I did have a really good talk with my counterpart on the 6 kilometer round trip though. We talked about some personal problems as well as about ideas for working at the school. One bit of good news that day was that my best PCV friend told me she might have a wonderful, new place to live. It was the nicest place she’d ever lived in, which is ironic because the nicest housing was in Africa. I made up my mind to try and not compare my site to hers and others because I want the best for her and I am happy with my site. Comparing just makes life more difficult. There was an interesting argument at work. Our security guard found snare traps laid around the clinic to catch the chickens that we keep here. The security guard saw one of the kids. Later, the child’s mother came by and a boisterous, yelling argument ensued. The mother said her kids wouldn’t do such a thing, and my supervisor said to bring the child over and they’d ask him. The lady knew the kid would tell the truth, so she refused. I was entertained when the people from my clinic, although not superstitious, threatened to bring over the witch doctor who is coming from Zambia in a month or so. They said he would know who did it. I had a good heart to heart with one of my friends after work that night and then went to bed.

My devotions on the 29^th hit me pretty hard. I was having a bit of a difficult time until I read the scripture “Peace, be still” and talked about how God is with us in the storms of life (Mar 4:35-41). This day was…different. My only stress here has been personal issues brought out by different friendships. Unfortunately, in trying to fix the problem the night before, I reverted to old habits and put a block between me and my best friend here. She noticed and I had to remove the block. Anyways, the day was uneventful except a lady gave me a huge cauldron of mahangu.

  I was in a really good mood on the 30^th. I took my clothes to the lady whom I pay to wash my clothes. I just don’t have the patience for it, and she can use the money. I had a record 12 wheatbix bars with sugar and milk. I ate so much because I was trying to finish the milk because it would spoil over the weekend because I was planning to be gone for the Friday, Saturday, and Sunday because my best friend and some other volunteers were coming for the weekend! Crystal told her counterpart about how many wheatbix bars I ate; her counterpart responded, hilariously, “oooh, that’s not normal!” The rest of the day I was just excited to leave for the weekend.

I woke up several times during the night. I had a lot of dreams, both good and bad. The bad ones were really unsettling because they were based in reality. I left for Rundu with the car. The ride was great. Then I went to the PC Office. I skyped one of my best friends, Kimberly, and uploaded pictures. I love being in the office by myself because I can skype without worry of being overheard or having a bad internet connection. I was really tense for most of the afternoon, but things got better. I fooled around on the internet for a bit and went grocery shopping. I took a taxi back to my lodging for the night, at a PCV’s place. There were six other PCVs already there, and we had a blast. We made chilli, which was extremely spicy. We talked about plans for the 4^th of July weekend as well as a separate paintball outing. Crystal and the two other PCVs from Kayec arrived really late. Gio and I went to pick them up, and I smuggled two chocolate chip cookies from our dessert for them. It was soooo good to see them, especially Crystal. I ended up hanging with her for a while and then went to bed.

Last night was the beginning of sickness Hell for me. The chilli destroyed my insides and I think I got food poisoning or something. I was also severely dehydrated. I reaffirmed my belief in not getting drunk because if the feeling of dehydration was anything close to a hangover, I never want to experience it. Anyways, I walked Crystal to a taxi and went back to Gio’s. I was feeling extremely sick and I got severe diarrhea. I tried to sleep and drink water all day, but it was miserable. A shower made me feel better, temporarily. I walked to the PC office and skyped Mom and Dad. It was not a good skype session because I couldn’t concentrate due to sickness. My friend Denise was absolutely amazing and took such good care of me. I had zero energy. I don’t know if it was smart or stupid to walk an hour to the three visiting PCV’s place. I felt better during the walk, but after, I felt sick. One big encouragement was getting a “P.S. Friends for Life” chocolate bar from Crystal. Alicia, Crystal, and I walked back to Gio’s. We had all been invited to a wealthy man’s lodge that night, but I was feeling too sick to go. There were about 15 people at Gio’s who decided to go. I felt a little bit better after a catnap in the living room while all the others talked. Then I took some nasty Oral Rehydration Salts, anti-diarrheal tablets, and anti-fever tablets. I forgot to mention I had a nasty fever. I felt better, but I knew I needed to rest, so I went to bed.